To be kind to myself was a foreign concept to me until just a few years ago. Throughout my upbringing and in life, I had never paused to ask myself what it is that I need right now. The thought had never crossed my mind. I prioritized the well-being of others far above my own needs. So when I was asked for the first time, “What do you do when you want to be kind to yourself?” my whole life came to a halt. I was bewildered, having no idea what it could be. What on earth do I enjoy? What is good for me? What makes me feel good? It was as if the question was a detonator that caused me to implode. When things arise in my life that I find difficult to understand, I ask my close ones what they would do in the same situation. That way, I get to see others’ perspectives.

So, I posed the question to several different people and received various answers. It was very interesting to hear how others think. One said: “I travel,” another said: “I sit down,” one said: “I play music,” and another said: “I read a book.” But the question remained unresolved for me. If I want to be kind to others, I know exactly what to do. I have trained my mind to notice what others like and dislike. This makes me quite good at coming up with nice, thoughtful, and fun gifts for people I know and care about.

But when it came to myself, I was at a loss. The thing is, if I start thinking about things I enjoy, I enjoy the feeling I get. It’s a bit like opening a present. And I like opening presents. There you go, I found something I like! When I start digging into my inner self to find the treats, I already feel better.

I love sitting by the water. I thrive and flourish when I have people around me whom I care about. I love baking. I prefer winter and Christmas, even though I freeze and am an atheist. So if I celebrate Christmas by the water, with the ones I love, and I get to bake, then I am in my own Nirvana.

I appreciate the small things in life. Like an incredibly beautiful snowflake on my glove sparkling in the sunlight. Or smelling the aroma of freshly baked buns. Or feeling a tumbled stone in my hands that is so hard and so soft at the same time. Or removing a loose strand of hair from my nephew’s jacket without him noticing.

It’s called glimmers. Glimmers are the opposite of triggers, and when you start looking for glimmers in your life, you focus on them and find even more. It’s something important to me, and I feel good when I search for glimmers. It’s like finding little presents everywhere. There are so many glimmers left to experience. That’s why I want to continue living.