Right now, in this moment, I feel good. It can change by the next moment, for better or for worse, you never know. I feel happy and grateful for this moment because it has been a long time since I last felt this way. I have struggled to survive, I have swum in a bottomless lake of depression and anxiety. It has been pure hell. But I have found a raft, so I can take a moment to breathe. It means so much that, in this moment, I don’t have to fight to stay afloat, that it actually feels unfamiliar, and I’m not quite daring to believe that it’s true or thinking that what’s good will disappear as quickly as it came.

When I have fought for my life, these are the moments I have longed for. Even while swimming in the darkest waters, I know that such moments exist, but the path there feels impossibly long. It feels like I will never have a good moment again, but it’s depression saying that, and it lies. The same goes for thoughts that I have no value for anyone else or myself, and that those around me would be better off without me.

But I have value, both for myself and others. I am perceptive, kind, thoughtful, strong, and brave… it felt strange just to write that, so unfamiliar.

I have things to look forward to, meetings with my loved ones, outings, stand-up comedy, getting tattooed for the first time, and getting a brand new sofa bed. So I can host overnight guests or, on a bad day, I can tuck myself in and watch TV. Oh, right, the sofa bed will be perfect when I stay up all night watching the Oscars, a little tradition I have. I rhyme like Petter: it’s my turn now, the wind has turned!